Decisions and choices

Day 1-178

This blog is going to be a home for me to contemplate, discuss and try to come to terms with some of the bad food choices that I am making and the reasons why I continue to make them. I am a 40 something married woman with 2 teenagers. I work full time, plus the daily juggling of two teenagers who are active in many sports, I find that I'm just not taking/making the time to seriously take care of myself properly. In 2008 I lost almost 40 pounds from Feb/March to October 2008, since that period I have gained almost all of it back which of course, upsets me to no end. I don't smoke or drink alcohol (besides the occasional Friday night cocktail if we go out or have the rare friends over) I have a membership to our local Y, but at this point in time, am barely using it. I lost the majority of my 40 pounds on ww and was a member until November 2009. I just felt that it wasn't a place that was personally concerned with me and my issues. I've long contemplated therapy as a means to understand why. Am I just lazy? Is it the struggles of my teenage years??? (I personally don't believe that, and I don't like being a person who thinks that because you may have had a less than ideal childhood that you get to blame all your problems on your parents!!) Why can I not get back on the *wagon*?? When I lost my weight, it just seemed to melt off-I did keep a log and have went back and reviewed the foods that I was eating during that period and have tried to recreate those days. I've contemplated trying a program like Medifast/Physicians weight loss/NutriSystem where you purchase the pre packaged foods and follow their programs. Again, I don't feel like that will be a good long term solution to my issues. Getting it off before wasn't the problem, keeping it off is the problem. I'm not sure if listing my foods here daily, will be helpful. I may try that for awhile to see if that will be useful. Everyday that I check the scale, it seems like I keep seeing a new and more depressing number! It grew from 150 to 153 to 158 to 163 to 168, 170 for quite awhile and now it is climbing once again, the other day I saw 177! Yuck, yuck, yuck. I have so many important functions to attend this spring/summer with my daughters high school graduation and had such high hopes to be looking my best. I feel like such a failure...............I just don't know how to get back on track.............................................................I'm under a tremendous amount of stress right now to finish two huge projects that are just looming over me. One has a deadline of April 1, so I'm going to spend the entire weekend knocking this one out of here. The other one is some financial forms for my daughter for college and I'm going to plan on at least working on it some more this weekend. I also pledge to at least go for a mile walk. I walked and ran many miles last year. 2009 I did many 5k runs and even a couple of 10k runs. I have/had plans to run a 1/2 marathon with my cousin on May 6, but I'm not sure that I'm even going to attempt it at this point in time. I did/do enjoy running/walking when the weather is nice. We live in a state that sees alot of winter from November until April normally! This year we have been having an extremely early Spring and the snow is completely gone now and the temperature has been in the 60's for last week. This weekend it is back into the 40's but the sun is shining.